We Talk Daily

Dealing With: Envy

A Manhattan apartment. A glamorous job. A handsome fiance and a huge diamond ring. Any of these things by themselves could inspire a little jealousy, but toss them all together in a single pretty 20-something, mix with a loving bunch of friends and family and I was rivaling Kermit in my coloring. I was SO envious of this person I found it hard to contain myself. I couldn’t imagine why life was so unfair. How could one person have so much going for them?

Being envious of others is common. No matter what we have or what we excel at, there will always be someone else who has or does SOMETHING better than we do. And in our society, being the best, having the most, and “Winning at life” in general is the backbone of what American has come to represent. So, how should we deal with that “I want what THEY have” feeling? Well, first of all, it helps to find something negative about the person/situation you’re jealous of.

I know, I know, it’s not the nicest piece of advice I can give you…but really does nice always work? Counting your blessings may not really resonate until you count the other person’s misfortunes. Let’s say you have the coolest family ever, but you have to work hard for your spending money and your grades (A’s don’t come easy for you). Now let’s say the girl you’re envious of has perfect hair, designer jeans, a 4.0 GPA and is so nice to you that you feel awful for being so jealous of her? You think, “Wow, she’s got it all, she has it made, how did she get so lucky?” Then you find out a few years later that her family life wasn’t very nice and that she she’s afraid of balloons. Chances are you’ll feel at least a tad bit better. Take that opportunity to reflect on what you love about your life. List your accomplishments. List your unique skills and qualities. Think back on all the compliments you’ve received. No one else in the world will have the exact same experiences you have, remind yourself that you are the only you there is, as cliche and hokey as it sounds.

Whether you have to work hard for all your given or you’re lucky enough to have a lot of things fall into your lap; the only certain thing about life is that you’ll have successes and failures. Everyone does.

The spotlight doesn’t last forever, and neither does the gutter.

Chin up, remember why you’re awesome, and make it your mantra.

Post by Shaba

Spotlight On: Dance Your Ass Off

The new Oxygen TV show "Dance Your Ass Off" premiered this week. The show, a mixture of "The Biggest Loser" and "Dancing With the Stars" shows 12 contestants how to lose weight by healthy eating, working out, and, as the name suggests, dancing. At first I was a bit hesitant about the show - would they be exploiting overweight people for the amusement of the audience? And then I watched it...

"Dance Your Ass Off" is an amazing show with heart. Showcasing the backstory of each contestant, it shows how they got to their weight and what they're willing to do in order to become healthy. What the program shows is that losing weight could be fun.

Sure, working out isn't always entertaining, and eating healthy could just be boring, but dancing? Dancing is ALWAYS fun. Whether it's professionally with a class, or in your bedroom while listening to the radio, dancing is a great way to pass the time, get excited, and even lose some weight. And that, ultimately, is what the show is saying.

So what I say to you? Whether you want to lose weight or not, dance! Get your blood pumping, and your toes tapping. It may not produce immediate results, but with every smooth move you'll be working your way towards a healthier lifestyle. It's a great alternative for those who hate running, jogging or other cardio activities because it just as easily gets your heart racing.

And, really, who DOESN'T like to dance?

Let’s Discuss: Switching Places

I like to play dress-up #3
Originally uploaded by lydiafairy

I’m 23 years old. I have two degrees, a fiance, a car, a credit card and the ability to buy alcohol at my whim. When I was nine my favorite thing to do was play “High School” with my best friend H. We’d get out some of my parents encyclopedias and enjoy showing up to “class” late because we were "making out" in the “hallway” with our “boyfriends.” Now, I’ve lived through high school and college and if I could have one wish it would be to go back to being nine.

My point is, I spent so much time when I was young pretending I wasn’t young. The lives of teenagers and adults seemed so much cooler. They had the ability to do things, to go places, to eat ice cream for dinner. But now?

Now at twenty three I know just how much more fun it was at nine. When I was nine “dinner” only meant eating, not cooking or cleaning. Traffic meant playing on my game boy or reading Baby Sitter’s Club books, not calculating how late I’d be to my meeting with a potential employer. At nine my possible future was determined by MASH and Cootie Catchers, now it’s determined by ten minute phone calls, credit ratings, and my ability to not yell at my fiance. I started worrying about the sexiness of my body way too early. I started shirking off my childhood before it was even in its prime. I started thinking about my college choices before I knew what college was really for. I tried to escape my childhood and in the process….I missed it.

Being a grown up is fun, at times. I won’t lie. My friends and I sometimes get giddy over the fact that we’re allowed to buy houses and people won’t look at us funny if we say we’re getting married. It’s nice to be able to drive and be able to walk into an airport, pick an interesting location and take a flight on a whim. Not that I’ve ever done it, but the possibility is there.

Even with the doors of adulthood open to me, I still sometimes wish I was nine. I miss my Barbies and playing pretend. I miss sleepovers and birthday parties and swimming all day long.

So, to you, dear readers I implore you-
Don’t waste your wonder years trying to be older.
Go to the pool. Eat a Popsicle. Dress up your dog. Make a treasure map. Climb a tree. Read a Nancy Drew novel. Enjoy your summer.

And remember, nothing is worth more than this day!

Post written by Shaba

Dealing With: Flaky Friends

(Even celebrities have trouble making time for one another)

One of my best friends is a super-busy overachiever. She’s got a zillion things going on at one time and enough friends for her own entourage. She’s smart, funny, beautiful and a zany whirlwind of fun. And I don’t think I’ve talked to her for over a month.

Her phone calls are infrequent. Our plans often fall through. She almost never returns her phone calls and emails often get lost in the depths of the inbox. She’s sometimes flaky, sometimes unavailable and often apologetic.

Her behavior and busy lifestyle has cost her a few friendships.

But not mine.

I understand her. I know now, after six years, that if I really need to speak with her I’d better try every means possible. I don’t expect her to reply to my phone calls or answer my emails immediately. And likewise, she knows the same of me, (I never said I was the best at communication, many unread emails are taunting me from my inbox).

But, we’re similar in this area and we understand each other; that’s why we’re friends. And if our lives get in the way of our time together, we know it won’t be forever, and we understand.
To us, what really matters is that we try. We try and we try and we try and a few times a year we succeed. Obviously it’s not the best situation, but we make due, and our friendship doesn’t suffer.

This kind of friendship is not for everyone. If you feel like your friendship with someone is not equally beneficial you may want to reanalyze it. My friend and I are friends because we love the company of each other. Our conversations excite and inspire us, comfort and protect us. And those brief experiences are enough to get us through the absences. It definitely doesn’t work for everything, but it works for us.

If you’re dealing with a flaky friend, ask yourself the following questions:
1) How much does my friend’s flakiness bother me?
2) Why does it bother me?

Do you feel like you’re in a one sided friendship? Do you think your friend is taking advantage of you and your time? If the answers are yes, tell your friend how you’re feeling. If your friend is worth keeping s/he’ll be apologetic and you’ll be able to work toward a compromise.

Friendships can work through all sorts of unique situations, but they can ONLY work if both parties are happy with the arrangements. Be open, loving, and honest with each other and you’ll end up with a friendship that could last a lifetime.

Written by: Shaba

(Image courtesy of InStyle)

Fabulous Finds: Bangles

It's summer time and you know what one of the hottest trends for this summer is? Bangles! They're cheap, cute, and easy to wear. Pile on as little, or as many, as you'd like with your favorite outfit. It's a great way to turn a day look into a night look. Check out some of these: