Dealing With: Flaky Friends

(Even celebrities have trouble making time for one another)

One of my best friends is a super-busy overachiever. She’s got a zillion things going on at one time and enough friends for her own entourage. She’s smart, funny, beautiful and a zany whirlwind of fun. And I don’t think I’ve talked to her for over a month.

Her phone calls are infrequent. Our plans often fall through. She almost never returns her phone calls and emails often get lost in the depths of the inbox. She’s sometimes flaky, sometimes unavailable and often apologetic.

Her behavior and busy lifestyle has cost her a few friendships.

But not mine.

I understand her. I know now, after six years, that if I really need to speak with her I’d better try every means possible. I don’t expect her to reply to my phone calls or answer my emails immediately. And likewise, she knows the same of me, (I never said I was the best at communication, many unread emails are taunting me from my inbox).

But, we’re similar in this area and we understand each other; that’s why we’re friends. And if our lives get in the way of our time together, we know it won’t be forever, and we understand.
To us, what really matters is that we try. We try and we try and we try and a few times a year we succeed. Obviously it’s not the best situation, but we make due, and our friendship doesn’t suffer.

This kind of friendship is not for everyone. If you feel like your friendship with someone is not equally beneficial you may want to reanalyze it. My friend and I are friends because we love the company of each other. Our conversations excite and inspire us, comfort and protect us. And those brief experiences are enough to get us through the absences. It definitely doesn’t work for everything, but it works for us.

If you’re dealing with a flaky friend, ask yourself the following questions:
1) How much does my friend’s flakiness bother me?
2) Why does it bother me?

Do you feel like you’re in a one sided friendship? Do you think your friend is taking advantage of you and your time? If the answers are yes, tell your friend how you’re feeling. If your friend is worth keeping s/he’ll be apologetic and you’ll be able to work toward a compromise.

Friendships can work through all sorts of unique situations, but they can ONLY work if both parties are happy with the arrangements. Be open, loving, and honest with each other and you’ll end up with a friendship that could last a lifetime.

Written by: Shaba

(Image courtesy of InStyle)